caught in a corner

This morning as I was feeding the cats in their various little territories it occurred to me that we are all warped by the jobs we work, the places we live, the country we live in, the friends and family that surround us (or don't). Which puts us all, humans and other animals in the same category as those cypress trees you see pictured in the Sierra. The trees are trained by the wind. We are trained by each other for the most part since very few of us (myself included) are strong enough to fight the winds that surround us. It is easier to give in.

Last night I started reading "The Four Day Win" by Martha Beck. It's a book on dieting (which of course I would have no use for) and also on changing your whole outlook on life--four days at a time. According to the author, the Rule of 4 seems to be hardwired into the brain--she found that if she could get a client to do anything consistently for four days--writing, exercising, eating a certain thing-an internal barrier seems to fall and progress is made--progress that sticks to the psyche.

So maybe I have found a new tool to fight the winds around me. I don't want to die in this miserable little hole. I don't want any more of my little cat friends to die without tasting freedom and a wide blue sky above them. I want to be able to see the sky myself, and have time to enjoy the wonder of a full moon night and the vastness of the stars.

Will I be strong enough for this battle?--maybe--four days at a time. The author says we can only truly win in increments. If you try to take on the whole set of problems the mind shuts down in despair. I've dealt long enough with despair. It makes for a difficult life. A life without options. A life without life.

Martin Luther King also knew of the wisdom of this process. He said, "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step."